Here is another mission photo.  I was with James Nickerson in Cluj-Napoca, Romania, as missionaries, and he took this picture of me.  We were contacting people in an apartment building, and thought the view was pretty good.

I thought I would share this picture of me as a missionary in Romania. This picture was taken in a little town called Campia Turzu in Transylvania.

From Mission

Just before Christmas, I wrote my favorite sister missionary a letter on this nice piece of colorful paper which I had to fold like a bazillion times just to get it to fit in the envelope. I sent it to Salt Lake City to be included in a “pouch” full of correspondence that is sent to her mission all together.

It bounced.

I got it back in the mail as unable to be forwarded along because it didn’t meet current pouch restrictions.

This is kind of a big deal for me because I’m really quite horrible at writing letters, and this was the first letter in a long time that I was sending her. For me to write a real letter is a real deal.

Apparently letters that go through the pouch need to be as normal as possible, and that means one normal piece of typing paper, tri-folded normally, with two normal pieces of tape to seal the paper shut with the ends open.

What got me was the message on the return to sender label which said, “Contact your bishop for further details.”

According to the Albuquerque Tribune, a companionship of missionaries in Albuquerque, New Mexico found an envelope from a local financial institution containing two stacks of bills, valued at $1,200. The missionaries turned the money into the police, and joined a list of only 15 other people who had ever turned lost/found money in. The amount of money they turned in was the highest ever for the area. If no one claims the money in 90 days, the missionaries get to keep it.

I guess we are going to have to wait to see if the missionaries get the money or not. On one hand, the envelope was from a financial institution, which might be able to track down the proper owners. On the other had, the missionaries found the money on a crime-heavy street, so there may not actually be any proper owners.

I hope the missionaries get to keep the money, but the greatest reward is the publicity they got for being so honest. Hopefully their true find will be people wanting to learn more about the Gospel because they were so impressed with the missionaries’ honesty.

I recently found this article online from Herald Tribune in Southwest Florida about a companionship of missionaries there. The article is called Run, don’t walk and has a pretty accurate description about missionary work.

It is great that missionaries are getting this sort of press. They work hard, and I’m glad they get some recognition about what they do.

I served a mission for the LDS Church in Romania. Recently I found out that the wife of the current mission president of Romania has a blog. Her blog is called Grandma Chubby’s Stuff, and it is very good at keeping news and information about the Church and missionary work in Romania.

On one of the mailing lists I subscribe to, there was this question that went out:

Subject: ONLY FOR GUYS TO ANSWER…

Hey I was just wondering what yall thought about Whom should make the
first move the guy or the gurl on matters such as: holding hands or
kissing, for the first time?

And if a gurl were to make the first move how would you feel
about/like that?

When I was in Romania for my LDS mission, handholding wasn’t such a big deal. It would be normal to hold hands with friends. You would see girls walk down the street hand in hand all the time. They were not homosexual, just friends. It wouldn’t be unusual for me to walk down the street arm in arm with my missionary companion. Of course, my personal preference was against doing that, but it wouldn’t have been socially unacceptable if I had done so.

I mention that to illustrate the point that every society has different norms for physical contact. Each individual also has their own personal preferences. In deciding when is is appropriate to make a move physically in a relationship, it is important to remember the social norms and personal preferences in doing so.

Now the norm in our modern American society has been changing over the years I think. It used to be that the social norm was more that the man in the relationship would be the one to make the moves. However, with traditional gender roles have been fading and there are fewer reasons to assume that it is the male’s role in the relationship to make advances. Tradition, of course, opposes modern trends in advancements, and thus will remind us of the traditional male role. The societal norm, conclusionally, is that either gender is free to make relationship advancements, but with more emphasis placed on the male’s role because of tradition.

The freedom of the societal norm gives great flexibility to the personal preferences of an individual who is dating. Let me discuss though, a particular trend that I’ve seen. Girls want to be understood and loved, while guys want to provide. If a girl has a problem, she wants someone to understand how she feels about the problem. If a guy has a problem, he wants it to be fixed. Not that dating is a problem, but in a relationship, girls often tend to focus more on emotional understanding and love, and guys tend to think more about showing affection through actions. Individual dating preferences often will follow these trends. Girls want to feel like they are a great catch. They will tend not to make the moves because they prefer that the man in the relationship proves his affection for her by overcoming any nerves or awkwardness in making advances. Guys must consider carefully his feelings for a girl before he makes any moves and conquers and fears he may have of doing so. In this way, physical affection will represent the emotional affection between the couple and the kissing and handholding will become more enjoyable.

It is also worthy to note the importance of keeping relationships in this balance. Physical affection should be initiated only when there is an equivalent level of emotional affection. It should also remain in balance with the commitment of the relationship. When these three aspects of a relationship (physical affection, emotional affection, and commitment) are in balance, then the relationship will be more enjoyable and profitable for the involved individuals. When a relationship is developing, the couple should plan a variety of activities to do together so that the three aspects of a relationship grow in balance.

In my two year missionary experience in Romania, there was a missionary theme or technique we had called Proselyting for the elect. In general, it said that if we were trying to find the elect of God, we should be bold in challenging them to do the things they needed to gain a testimony such as read the Book of Mormon or attend church. The idea was that the elect would use these challenges to gain a testimony and become strong members in the church.

There was once a sarcastic comment made more than once that said that we should board ourselves up in the chapel and wait, because the elect would tear down the doors to hear the gospel. Of course that was ridiculous to think that way.

I’ve heard a similar comment from some girls, who say that they shouldn’t have to dress up or put forth effort to look pretty, because that is not who they really are, and if someone were to love them, then he would love them for who they really are.

So girls, if you are going out to socialize with those from the opposite gender, don’t metaphorically board yourselves up the the chapel. Look nice, be nice. You don’t need to be someone else, just be yourself and be your best.

Why has DTR become such a dirty word? Well, dirty for Provo at least. People hate them, they avoid them, they treat them like they are something horrible, worse than dirtly laundry. I’ve even seen a picture of a t-shirt with the letters DTR all crossed out.

The hatred towards DTRs reminds me of the hatred towards companionship inventory. Missionaries grew to hate the term. Even though they were suppose to be held weekly, companionships fulfilled their duration, successfully avoiding a companionship inventory. They hated them because they were only used in times of conflict. A companionship inventory was where a missionary had so much bottled up frustration that it was to come out in a companionship inventory. Thus the term “companionship inventory” also became a dirty word.

But I saw through this, and had many great companionship inventories. The key was having them regularly, and especially when things were going well. They became more of a celebration even than the release of conflict frustration. I got back to the true purpose of companionship inventory, and washed the dirt off the use of the term.

Perhaps it can be the same with DTR. If they are held frequently, and in times of good relationship status, then maybe they will not be so hated. They will be the focal point of expressing love for each partner in the relationship. They will actually be used for defining the status of the relationship, and how it can grow.